she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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