I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You ruined the universe
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
