Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
