Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
