there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
should my penis look like a turkey
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
