I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
