I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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