She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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