Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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