u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
