u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
