i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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