I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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