Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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