All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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