That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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