dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I need to stop coming to work sober
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
