So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
