My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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