I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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