I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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