you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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