so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
