either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
