Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
