I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
