I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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