If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
