The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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