He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
