TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
