shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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