Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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