did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
