I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
