I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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