So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
