guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
