the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
