I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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