think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
