I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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