you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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