ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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