Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
