so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
