I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
