all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
