Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
