sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
