I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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