I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
