the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
