I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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