Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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