Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
