Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
