Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
