Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think your dad took our porno
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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