he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
