I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
