Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
