i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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