Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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