dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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