That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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