a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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